Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
