So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
