i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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