Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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