break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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