I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
