Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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