I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
