I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
