Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
