the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
