He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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