too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
