She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
