First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I lost the right to judge tonight
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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