The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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