And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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