Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
