i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
