We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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