OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
