i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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