Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
