I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize