she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You smell like stripper and shame
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
