...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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