I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
