I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
