Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
