I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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