She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
