It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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