I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
