Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
