Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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