im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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