The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
