Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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