In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
