she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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