Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
