I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
