who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
