I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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