his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
