im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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