Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
