Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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