What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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