there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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