11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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