Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's Friday. Sex?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
