I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
