She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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