Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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