do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
