I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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