Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm just crazy horny about you
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
