I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
