Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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