sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
