I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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