i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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