a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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