Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
