dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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