if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
