in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
